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Boared to Death: ISIS Fighters Trampled in Pig Attack

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A wild boar. (Photo: PETRAS MALUKAS / AFP / Getty Images)

Wild pigs in northern Iraq have joined the battle against the Islamic State, trampling three ISIS militants in southern Kirkuk province.

Five other fighters were reportedly injured in the swinecident.

Perhaps the pigs were boared of tribal militias hogging all the anti-ISIS action.

The jihadis had been staging a hamfisted attempt at an ambush against local tribesmen. They butchered the operation, taking it for grunted that tribal militias would be their only adversaries that day.

The ISIS terrorists were reportedly on the edge of a field around 50 miles southwest of Kirkuk. Someone must have made a rasher decision, because they startled a herd of wild boar. Maybe they were crackling the grass too loudly, or someone pulled a ham-string and squealed.

This made a complete pig’s ear of the jihadis attempts at stealth, saving the bacon of the tribal militia they were trying to hambush.

Sheikh Anwar al-Assi, a chief of the local Ubaid tribe who commanded local anti-ISIS militiamen told The Times “It is likely their movement disturbed a herd of wild pigs, which inhabit the area as well as the nearby cornfields.”

Bristling with rage at the disruption, the herd went hog-wild, trampling the jihadis.

However, the sudden attack is unlikely to go without re-pork-ussions.

According to Al-Sumaria news “Daesh (Islamic State) militants took revenge at the pigs that attacked the farmland.” But that may turn out to be total hogwash.

Clarion Project hopes that the international community will follow this pigsample, stop wallowing and take action to hoof ISIS once and for all!

[Editor: Despite the puns, this is a true story.]

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Elliot Friedland

Elliot Friedland is a research fellow at Clarion Project.